O bochicho da vila – Dona Léia e seu marido

O Estevão Armando Ferreira Moreira da Silva era um sujeito benquisto na vila onde morava, com a mulher. Mulato e forte, trabalhador honesto, tinha os filhos crescidos, já saídos de casa. O Estevão era um faz-tudo, pintura, encanamento, pedreiro, jardinagem, tudo bem feito e a preços justos, enfim, ele era por isso muito conhecido e popular na vila. A mulher, Dona Léia, era faladeira, e assim começa a estória. 

Pois um belo dia o prefeito da cidade veio visitar a vila. Aconteceu que o Estevão estava na rua e o prefeito o confundiu com algum conhecido, e como todo bom político, o abraçou efusivamente, e o Estevão, educadamente, retribuiu o gesto, mesmo sem entender o porquê da coisa. A partir daí, quando o Estevão saía da vila, seja para pescar ou para ir a algum encontro na cidade, a sua mulher fazia um bochicho que ele estava conversando algo importante com o prefeito. Ela inventou a estória que o prefeito queria que o Estevão se candidatasse a vereador, e pediu confidencialidade a suas amigas.

Bastou lançar a estória na cabelereira, e na manicure. A informação se espalhou como o vírus. Era um dos hubs do podcast da vila, um dos eventos super-spreader. Quando o Estevão foi cortar o cabelo num dos três salões da vila, já foi recebido efusivamente pelo barbeiro, o Osmar, que já sabia da estória, e já foi estendendo o melhor avental, lavado e passado, para cobrir Estevão em preparação ao corte de cabelo. Caprichou na afiação da navalha no couro, e cortou o cabelo com a navalha, o que normalmente fazia apenas aos graduados. Quando o Estevão disse que esperava apenas um corte com tesoura, mais barato, o Osmar disse: “Não se preocupe, Estevão, deixa comigo,  só não te esqueças da gente aqui!” O Estevão não sabia do que o Osmar falava, mas respondeu: “Que é isso, Osmar, tu me cortas o cabelo há pelo menos 25 anos, como é que vou me esquecer de ti?” ao que o Osmar respondia com uma piscadela de olho. Como tratavam isso confidencialmente, entendendo que esses assuntos não podem vazar antes da hora, o segredo persistiu por muito tempo. O salão do Osmar era o outro epicentro do zum-zum-zum da vila. Afinal, quem não tem o que fazer, fica feliz com o bochicho.

Pois cabelereira, manicure e barbeiro sabem da vida de todo mundo, e, em pouco tempo, o zum-zum-zum foi aumentando de tom e em volume, de modo que em duas semanas o Estevão já tinha o posto de vice-prefeito ou de deputado assegurado. Felicidade na vila, que por muito tempo se ressentia de não ter representação em governo algum. Iriam finalmente deixar de serem abandonados.

E, em pouco tempo, o bochicho ultrapassou os limites da vila e chegou a um assessor do governador.  Como bom assessor, era ambicioso, e, como não tinha trabalho para mostrar, abraçou o bochicho da vila, levando a informação ao governador que havia um sujeito popularíssimo chamado Estevão naquela vila, que, sozinho, poderia desequilibrar qualquer eleição. O governador enviou um par de asseclas, um homem e uma mulher, para investigar, e, na vila, foram com roupas simples, o homem, sem ter barbeado, e a mulher, sem maquiagem, justamente, conversar nos hubs de informação: o instituto de beleza e o salão do barbeiro. Logo, logo, corroboraram a informação, suas contrapartes felizes em compartilhar com esses novos clientes suas informações e sabedorias.

Enquanto isso, começaram a chover presentes na casa da Léia e do Estevão. Cachorrinhos, gatinhos, passarinhos e ordens de serviço, de tanto trabalho que o Estevão teve que compartilhar com outros faz-tudo. O que o fez ainda mais popular entre seus colegas e concorrentes.

Voltando ao governador, conversando entre si, valorizaram o seu serviço, revestindo de ouro suas tarefas, um com o outro, antes mesmo de reportar ao governador, de modo que quando se reuniram com o governador, o Estevão estava num novo pedestal de popularidade, e para prova real, falaram do testemunho dos outros faz-tudo da vila.

O governador para não perder o hábito de puxar o saco dos poderosos, levou a estória ao presidente, sabendo que este justamente precisava de mais votos nessa faixa social, já que entre os ricos o presidente já estava consolidado. A estória que o governador levou ao presidente foi de tal forma dourada que não restou dúvidas ao presidente: “Esse é o cara, preciso dele.”

A Léia gostou disso, orgulhosa de sua criatividade, exceto quando as gostosas da vila começaram a jogar beijinhos para o Estevão. Este, sem entender bem, fez a sua parte num motel vizinho, mas achou as mulheres muito oferecidas, fingindo um gozo interminável, e aos poucos ia deixando as oferecidas pro lado, não antes de provar o gostinho do mel.

Quando o Estevão viu, estava em Brasília, como Secretário Especial de Assuntos de Vilas, sob o Ministério da Cidadania, e a Dona Léia foi ensinada a ser nomeada Assessora Especial do Ministro, dada sua proclividade em comunicação. Ambos com salários de duzentos mil reais mensais, com direitos a 15 salários anuais e a 45 dias anuais de férias, com viagens e estadias pagas à cidade de origem. Mas nunca fizeram a viagem. 

É isso, quem conta um conto aumenta um ponto.

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